i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
