I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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