I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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