Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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