I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
