if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
