He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We have started to decorate penises.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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