What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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