He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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