last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
