So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
