The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
