I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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