Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
