Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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