i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize