Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
