I got chris browned last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
