life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
