i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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