I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
