Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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