She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize