I cannot find my penis.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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