so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
