Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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