Yo dont text me then not text me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
