You just made me feel so damn special
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
