My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
