There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
