Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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