Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
