thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
