sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
