The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
