She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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