Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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