I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
