idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
