Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
