Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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