you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
