Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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