I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
