please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
