Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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