their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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