I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
