I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
