Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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