can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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