When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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