i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
