I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
