she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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