: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
