so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
