I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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