she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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