respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
