would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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