I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
